Dumb Ways To Die (Music Video)

Petition to Let Troops Commandeer Your Home With Repeal of 3rd Amendment (VIDEO)

Another instant classic from Mark Dice on the state of our nation today.

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Scientists Urge Calm as Giant Rabbit Appears on the Moon

Speculation is running rampant all across society and around the globe as amateur astronomers have identified a giant rabbit on the surface of the Moon. Scientist urge calm though, and warn that initial findings may not be entirely accurate. Nevertheless, a public outrcy is already underway demanding that NASA immediately embark on the construction of a giant carrot.

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US Navy vs. Spain

This is an actual recording of radio traffic between Spain and US Forces.


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Jesus Got His Days Mixed Up

Dude, seriously, this shit is not supposed to happen on a Friday. This is more like Monday morning crap....

And I never felt like this after a Saturday night, not in NY anyway...

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Texas Style!

Rerun Sambo, Acquitted

Bumpkiss, Texas - Last Thursday night around midnight, a man from Houston, Texas was arrested, jailed, and charged with murder for shooting a woman 6 times in the back as she was running away with his wallet.

The following Monday morning, the man was called in front of the Arraignment Judge, sworn-in, and asked to explain his actions.

The man replied, "I was standing at the corner bus stop for about 15 minutes, waiting for the bus to take me home after work. I am a bus-boy at a local cafe. I was there alone, so I had my right hand on my pistol and my other hand on my wallet. All of a sudden I was spun around hard to my left. As I caught my balance, I saw a crack-head bitch running away with my wallet. I looked down at my right hand and saw that my fingers were wrapped tightly around my pistol. The next thing I remember is saying out loud, "No Way Beotch! You're not stealing my pay check and tips." I raised my right hand, pointed my pistol at the woman running away from me with my wallet, and started squeezing the trigger of my pistol.

When asked by the arraignment judge, "Why did you shoot the woman 6 times? The man replied under oath, "Because, when I pulled the trigger the 7th time, it only went click."

The man was released and was back at work the next day! That's Gun Control, Texas Style.

UPDATE:

Rerun Sambo was re-arrested on the murder charge and faced full prosecution before a jury. He was found guilty and sentenced to be executed. He is appealing.



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George Carlin: Illusion of Choice (Video)

BONUS ROUND:

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Patriot Game (Obama vs. Romney Nintendo Video)

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Mitt Romney vs. Barack Obama

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Zimmerman a Pedophile? (EXCLUSIVE REPORT!)

Seminole County, Florida - With the discovery today of sexually explicit material in a Florida storage unit, some officials are speaking off the record about their suspicions that George Zimmerman may have wanted to have sex with Trayvon Martin.

"Being a neighborhood watch captain puts one in a unique position to be able to prowl for victims," one official tells us. "Given the nature of the material we found in this storage unit, I would say it is quite possible that he was on the prowl for young black males."

Inside the storage unit believed to have once been rented by George Zimmerman, were sexually explicit DVD's depicting various grades of fetish filth. But perhaps most alarming was one title, "Black Anal Fisting #55" in which actors even engaged in toilet plumbing hardware fetish acts. Most of the actors in the film were of African-American descent, leading some to wonder why a white man would have black porn in his storage unit.

A spokesman for the company who operates the storage unit facility stopped short of confirming that George Zimmerman actually rented this particular unit, but did confirm that, "He has rented from us in the past, we can verify that with surveillance video taken in the office."

While none of the pornography uncovered is explicitly illegal, another police official had this to say: "Given the disturbing nature of the material uncovered here, it is not a stretch of the imagination at all to assume that someone who would watch this, would prey on young black children for sexual gratification."

A Trayvon Martin supporter shares their own opinion of the discovery saying, "It never made sense to me until now. Why else would Zimmerman have bothered to take notice of a stranger walking around his neighborhood in the rain staring at houses? I mean, after all, he had his hood up, it's not like he was going to get very wet. I think when the truth comes out at trial, we will find that this white guy just had a thing for black kids."

A Zimmerman supporter tried to deflect blame though, telling us, "You can hardly blame him if that's the case. He probably saw the Skittles pack in Trayvon's hand, and took that as a sign that he was willing to share gay sex, maybe for more goodies at the corner store. I think it was irresponsible of him to flash his Skittles at strangers in traffic."

Stay tuned for more updates.

Super Bowl 2012 Toyota Commercial Leaked!

Facbook Location Updates

Fail...

Sh*t Politicians Say

Stuff Conspiracy Theorists Say

Debt Limit

And speaking of debt, check out this link:

Visualization of United States Debt

Fun With Snowmen (vs. Authoritahhh)

Figures, it would be a cop who would threaten to fuckin' shoot the damn snowman. What a douchebag.

BREAKING: Obama Opens Borders For the Holidays!

FEDS TO OPEN U.S. BORDERS

Weekly World NEWS: The World's Only Reliable News

The White House will announce new “open borders” policy with Mexico and Canada.  ”All are welcome!”
Sources inside the White House say that the Obama Administration is planning on announcing “a new, bold, creative approach” to the border problem with Mexico.  ”We are going to let everyone in that wants to come in.  It’s our little Holiday present to the world,” said a source close to an aide to a White House represenative.

The White House will reportedly keep the borders open for at least sixty days and if the experiment goes well, the President may sign an executive order keeping the borders open indefinitely.
“The U.S. government will save an enormous amount of money when we eliminate the Border Patrol and open the borders.  The Republicans are always wanting to get rid of government agencies and the President finally heard them… He’s getting rid of the Border Patrol, and the border,” a Senior Adviser told WWN.
The source told WWN that the White House asked demographic experts from our nation’s top universities to determine how many people could “comfortably” live in the United States without straining resources.   The experts – from Harvard, Yale, Stanford, Notre Dame, Vanderbilt and The Citadel – concluded that the U.S. could accommodate 700 million people right now.  ”But in ten years, with modern housing technology and better distribution of natural resources and food, the U.S. could  handle over 2 billion people.

The Administration feels that an extra 300-400 million people will revive the economy and lift up the housing market.  ”We’re going to need more of everything – houses, roads, schools, offices.  Our economy will be on fire,” said a source in the Administration.
Reports are that the White House will see how many come across the border in the first month and then calculate when the country will hit the 700 million mark.  ”We think it may happen in October 2012, but we are not sure.  But when we hit 700 million, the President plans to shut the border down.  No more will be allowed in – at least until after the election.”

By January, kiosks will open up in Big Bend National Park in Texas allowing people from all across the world to scan their identity documents from their country of origin and just… get busy in America!

The idea has sparked strong opposition from Republicans and even some Democrats.  ”This is insanity!  How can he open the border?  What about terrorism?  Have they gone mad?” said an aide to Speaker of the House John Boehner.
“Republicans are just racists. They only want white people in America,” said a top Democratic consultant.  ”They are going to alienate the new citizens who will be making the long journey to our country.  They need to open their hearts more.”

Canadians were upset that the original plan called for the Feds open the southern U.S. border only.  ”The Canadians whined and complained incessantly.  But since there’s only 34 million Canadians on the planet, the Administration decided to open the northern border as well,” said a source outside the White House.  ”Most Canadians live within 90 miles of the U.S. anyway, so they practically are Americans already.”
There are rumors that the President might go to Texas to open the first border checkpoint personally.  ”It’s going to be a great day for America.  The President wants to open the gates personally.”
Get ready for a flood of new Americans!

Herd Mentality

I was recently debating my pet hot-button issue of the month, drug testing of welfare recipients. My opponent made the logically-void argument that their position was correct, because nearly 3 million people have voted in favor of drug testing the poor, while I voted in the minority of less than 150,000 people who are against the drug testing laws. I have seen this same sort of argument made many times, over various issues, that that the majority is always right. This same mentality is why our Constitution has been reduced to nothing more than a scrap of paper. After all, the Constitution is there to protect ideas that are not popular. Popular ideas don't need to be protected. But let me stop myself there before I go off on a little rant about the lessons of logic and liberty, and instead show you this clear example, that even the most simple-minded among the sheeple might grasp the lesson of...

12 Extremely Disappointing Facts About Popular Music

1. Creed has sold more records in the US than Jimi Hendrix

2. Led Zeppelin, REM, and Depeche Mode have never had a number one single, Rihanna has 10

3. Ke$ha's “Tik-Tok” sold more copies than ANY Beatles single

4. Flo Rida's “Low” has sold 8 million copies – the same as The Beatles' “Hey Jude”

5. The Black Eyed Peas' “I Gotta Feeling” is more popular than any Elvis or Simon & Garfunkel song

6. Celine Dion's “Falling Into You” sold more copies than any Queen, Nirvana, or Bruce Springsteen record

7. Same with Shania Twain's “Come On Over”

8. Katy Perry holds the same record as Michael Jackson for most number one singles from an album

9. Barbra Streisand has sold more records (140 million) than Pearl Jam, Johnny Cash, and Tom Petty combined

10. People actually bought Billy Ray Cyrus' album “Some Gave All…” 20 million people. More than any Bob Marley album

11. The cast of “Glee” has had more songs chart than the Beatles

12. This guy exists.

 

"All propaganda has to be popular and has to accommodate itself to the comprehension of the least intelligent of those whom it seeks to reach." -Adolf Hitler

Conspiracy Theory Too Weird For the Internet

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